He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
