ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
