How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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