Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
