everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
