What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
