Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
