dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I have aggressive nipples.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
