Having a random hookup so left but love u
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
