Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
