so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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