So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize