Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
