and you said cock pushups were impossible
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
