she looked like the before picture.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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