omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
