I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
