apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with youâ€
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