Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
