...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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