just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
