Got a toothbrush?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
