I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
