maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
