I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
