I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
