How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize