i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
