mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize