I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
