ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
