A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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