Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
