so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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