Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Found the puke drawer
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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