Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
