So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
she peed on how many people?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
