My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
This baby is an asshole
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
