I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
