I wannas sexs uuuuu
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
