I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
