Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Randomize
