I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
