So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
