i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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