Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
