you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
