This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I touched a dick in church today
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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