There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
