my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
