I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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