um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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