you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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