my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
