Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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