I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
