East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
