It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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