Midget sex pt 2 tonight
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
