i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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