This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
