; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Apparently you make a good broom.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
